My family had a fundraiser to help raise money to help pay our bills. Friends and family gathered that night for dancing, and drinking, and buying lots of cool stuff. Well, bidding on lots of cool stuff. So many people were there, and I was touched by the generosity of so many people that night.
We, also, had awesome friends, Brian and Jill, give us a car, an old Lincoln. Their generosity was just absolutely shocking. I had never had friends as generous as these two, and I'm still in shock that they could think so highly of us that they would give us a car. I will forever be grateful to them for all they did for us. This allowed us time to get money to get a newer car. For an old car it drove fairly well. It took us from point A to point B to point C and then back again. They are the perfect example of truly selfless people. They gave us a CAR out of the goodness of their hearts, asking absolutely nothing in return.
My holidays were tainted by hospital stays that threatened to keep me from being home for those special days. Scott was still out of work and I was heart broken to think that my baby would have nothing under the tree on her first Christmas. And yes I know she was too young to even know what was going on, but I still would have liked to have something for her. Thanks to the kindness of strangers I had more than I could have dreamed of under the tree for her. I saw over and over again just how much the generosity of strangers would change my world and definitely my perspective on the world. Strangers, friends and family would prove over and over again just what a good world we did live in.
Scott and I received a card from the people at the company he was just let go from. Inside was a beautiful letter plus enough money to help us pay rent one month. Once again I was blinded and shocked by the generosity of people. These people all chipped in to help us when times were tough. These people didn't have to give us a second thought nevermind send us a card OR gather money up to send us. And yet they did, they truly cared for Scott, he wasn't just another employee to them.
By January I was tired, just plain exhausted, physically and emotionally. I could barely walk, or eat, or even stay awake. Eating had been a struggle all along. Everything tasted awful! At first I would be so hungry I'd get frustrated and cry as food after food tasted awful and made me want to throw up. All I wanted was to eat something ANYTHING. I learned garlic dipping sauce with pizza allowed me to be able to eat a slice. Strong flavors allowed me to eat a few bites, but by the end of chemo I was eating very little, maybe a couple nibbles on something a day. I couldn't stand food and all it did was make me cry.
In February I was begging for it all to be over. I just couldn't do it anymore. It was all too much to handle. I was ready to give up and let the cancer win. I started questioning my faith in God, something I hadn't done most of the time. I just couldn't understand how God could have forgotten me, or hated me so much that He'd leave me. That He'd let me get so sick, and have to fight so hard just to keep on living. And really, if God was this awful did I want to keep living? Did I want to live in a world where God had so obviously forgotten me?
I was having a hard time with this hand I was dealt. After everything I had already been through and put myself through in life, did I really deserve to have cancer too? What wrong did I commit, what evil act did I do, to deserve to be punished as badly as I was. What kind of God would allow anyone to go through this? It would take me awhile, but I'd find my faith again, and it would strengthen too.
Come the end of March it was over! I went in for a regular visit with doctors and then treatment. When Dr. Crystal walked in he looked at me and said "I was talking to Dr. Morgan, and we've decided something about your treatment. Now, you're not going to like this but we've decided that you've had your last treatment. Thats it, you're done." It took a while to sink in but it was over, it was finally all over. I had had my last treatment! Now on to scans to make sure it was all gone and then life could resume. Or so I thought. Shortly after treatment ended Scott was offered a very nice job, working from home for a game company. It was an answer to so many prayers!
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