Happy Halloween!

Just a few pictures to celebrate the day before I head to bed,

 

 

 

 

Be well all…

Laid to rest

We laid my Grandfather to rest on Wednesday, and I must say that I am very proud of the way I held myself together.  That is, until we were graveside and my mother handed me the small rose bouquet that said “Bampa” (what my Grace calls Grandpa) and I lost it.  It took me a little bit of time, but I managed to pull myself together and make it through the rest of the day. 

Its time for the new patriarch, my Uncle Scott, to take the rightful place as head of family and keep us all together and on the road together.  My mother has been the matriarch for 10 long years now, and she stepped up these past two years to take care of my grandfather when he needed someone.  A task I’m sure wasn’t easy, but she did it, and she did it without too much complaint.  There was some grumbling, some upset, but she loves him, and he is her daddy, so she cared for him until the end.

Grace just had her 15 month check up and is absolutely amazingly healthy.  She weighs 22lbs 2oz and stands at an amazing 32 inches tall!! I hope she continues to be tall all her life, its what I wanted.  Her eyes are turning darker and darker, making it seem all the more possible she will have her daddy’s brown eyes, but so far she continues to have my blond hair, and the curls has started showing up! 

I think she’s going to be a gamer, just like her daddy.  Or at the very least, an electronics junky! She’s my sweet girl, and usually a happy soul, and she continually surprises me with her ability to pick up on new words and use them.  Her vocabulary has expanded beyond what I could have ever imagined a 15 month old saying, and the fact that others can understand her make me realize its not just all in my head, and I’m not making it all up.  

Halloween is coming! I can’t wait to get all dressed up and head on out! I will definitely have lots of pictures to post.

Be well all….

Grandpa, tell me bout the good old days

Its been a heartbreaking weekend.  A great man, a hero, an idol has left this earth.  Leaving behind heartbreak and sorrow to all those he knew.  We love you John P Lumsden, 2-25-20 to 10-23-10

I can remember riding in the car with my mother, listening to “Grandpa, tell me bout the good old days” on our way to visit her parents.  When we’d get there, we’d open up the heavy door, walk up the cellar stairs, past all the items my grandparents stored in the basement, and find my Nana sitting at the table sipping a cup of tea, and my Grandpa would be in at his computer.  God love that computer room of his.  There was so much stuff in there! But it was all his, and he loved it, and could tell you right where something was if you needed it.  In the formal dining room was a bowl of mints, and butterscotch candies.  And in the living room next to my Nana’s rocking chair was all her cross stitch items.  You could go out on the front porch and find some toys, or upstairs to the bedrooms.  The downstairs bathroom had a row of mirrors going around it, making the room look bigger than it was, and upstairs there was a bedroom behind a bedroom.  The house had so much, and was so amazing.  I always loved my trips there.  Mom and Nana would sit at the kitchen table talking, and I’d usually go sit at the computer with Grandpa, where’d he load up one program or another for me and let me play.  So simple, but so great at the same time. 

There is great heartache for me right now, but also great peace knowing he lived a full life.  Grace so loved him, absolutely adored him and I’m so glad see was able to know him this past year and love him like I do. 

He was a firefighter, an EMT, a teacher, a husband, a father, a grandfather and a great grandfather.  He was strong, and amazingly brilliant, and so handsome.  The world lost a great man when he left, but he’s rejoined his wife and those who went on before him.  But still, for now, there is great heartache and sorrow. 

Be well…

How did we get here?

I sit here and wonder, how did we get here? How ever did we make it through the past year and make it here? How did we survive all the heartache, pain and sorrow and make it to where it all seems a distant memory… 15 months ago I was sick, and while nervous about the upcoming birth of my baby I was beyond excited. Only to have my world turned upside down by the time she was 3 weeks old.  But truth be told, I don’t think I’d change a thing. Why? Cause if I did, it means we wouldn’t be who we are today, that we’d be different people.  If Scott hadn’t lost his job before she was born, he wouldn’t have the amazing job he has now where he gets to work from home, Grace wouldn’t have gotten to spend as much time with her daddy, and I would have been alone most days at chemo.  We wouldn’t have bonded as a family like we did, wouldn’t have gotten to snuggle Grace and love on her as much as we did and we wouldn’t have learned to lean on each other for support like we did.  So yes, dear friends, I wouldn’t have changed a thing about the past 15 months.

I find myself laying in bed most mornings enjoying the quiet breathing sounds of the two people I love most in this world, and waiting for the first smile of the morning.  And when she looks at me, smiles and says “Hi Mama” its the best thing in the world.  Like my heart might just melt and pour right out of my chest and all over the place.  Grace has a huge vocabulary now, and she repeats more and more.  She says cup, up, puppy, nana, grandpa, mama, dada, please, help, cat, woof, hi, bye, night night, what’s that, light, pee, poop and so much more that I can’t even think about now.  She is also mastering sign language pretty quickly these days, meaning I have to learn more and more and teach her.  She’s so proud of herself when she can make it known what she wants, like milk or her cup or a fresh diaper. 

We went pumpkin picking over the weekend and she went through the corn maze.  Insisted on walking it, and following after Brian, Jill, Liam and Nicholas.  She was so cute and I’m so proud of how well she did.  After, she ran around and tried to pick up every pumpkin in the patch, and would call out “help” when she couldn’t get it, so I finally grabbed a small one out of the buckets of small ones for her to carry while I picked out my big one to carve.  Its not too big, I didn’t want to tire myself out too much this year, like I did last year.  Last year I could barely even clean out the pumpkin before I lost it, this I hope to carve the whole thing myself.

We ordered our costumes! Grace will be a bat, and Scott and I will be vampires!  Grace’s costume should arrive today, at least that’s what the UPS tracking number says.  I keep obsessively watching the door, hoping and willing him to show up as I’m dying to put it on her and see how it fits and how cute it is.  I can’t wait! Can’t wait for ours to get here so we can try them on as well.  I can’t wait for trick or treat this year.

We hung out with Melissa yesterday and went shopping.  I bought something like 3 or 4 Christmas/Winter scented votives, and 2 or 3 Fall scented ones.  I love this time of year.  The smells and family gatherings, the leaves changing color and falling off the trees. Then comes the first snowfall, and the crunching of snow beneath our boots.  And this year not only will I have enough energy to play in the snow, but Grace will be old enough to play in it as well! This year it won’t take all my energy to just get ready to leave the house and I’ll actually be able to run around and ENJOY it.  I can’t wait to buy snow pants, and jackets and gloves and hats for us. 

Grace painted her munchkin pumpkin today, it was so cute, even if she tried to eat it as well, the paint too! But it was the perfect activity for a rainy morning.  Tomorrow I think we will paint her larger one that she picked out.  But we will see how she is feeling. 

My poor girl has a bit of a cold, and she seems to have handed it off to her daddy as well.  I hope my immune system is still as strong as ever and holds up against it.  Lets hope chemo left SOMETHING behind in its wake. 

I have to drag my butt into the basement and find Grace’s 18 month clothes, my girl is so tall that her pants and pajamas don’t fit anymore and I’ve got to find the box of shoes that I have so I can get out more shoes that fit her. 

We got her costume in today! And she looks so darn cute in it! And our costumes were shipped today so we should have those in no time.  I can’t wait to see them! I hope they fit lol.  All I need for Grace’s costume is a black long sleeved onesie, black tights and black dress shoes.  Scott needs black dress pants, and I have no idea what I need for mine lol.

And readers, on another note, my friend Maggie needs more prayers, she had another tumor show up. 

Be well all, and hug your children tight.

More Birthdays

Its October 1, and as I sit here on the couch next to my husband I think “I made it” and can’t help but smile to myself.  One year ago I was so scared that I would never see another birthday, and yet, yesterday I turned 27, cancer free too!! I made it, and while exhausted and in pain, I”m still standing and still stronger than I was.  Go me! 

I’ve got a set of scans on October 8th, and I get the results on October 12th, although if I’m lucky, my oncologist Dr Crystal will call me with the results as soon as he knows him, like he did last time.  Although I must say, I am all tied up in knots right now waiting for the scans, I just know I”m going to be a “cant eat, cant sleep” wreck between the scans and getting the results.  I’ve had all kinds of dreadful thoughts the past couple of days, and some terrible, no good nightmares about cancer returning.  Thoughts about tumors regrowing, or new ones showing, that I’ve been obsessively checking my vision and my hearing, and touching my face to make sure there are no changes, and yet I still can’t calm myself down.  When does this get easier? Will it ever get better? How do I calm myself down enough so I can relax and enjoy things again around scan time? I’m starting to think I need a drug or something to calm me down, or else I may have to start drinking heavily and I don’t think that’s the answer either.

Grace is getting so big, its amazing to watch her change everyday, and yet, I can’t get enough of her.  I’m infatuated with her and no matter how nuts she drives me I can’t get enough of her crazy antics.  Like helping me clean by running the “vacuum” over the carpet earlier, or taking a wipe and “washing” the floor by the front door.  She also helped me clean up the paper clips I spilled everywhere earlier.  Such a good little helper and yet, she won’t pick up her toys, or instead of putting the laundry in the basket, she throws it all over the place, but its okay, we’ll keep working on it and someday she’ll get the hang of it.    

 

Be well…