Saturday, November 28, 2009

Blah

My mom keeps telling me I should write a blog so that I can have all the details for when my baby gets older, and not embellish any of them. I said "Details? Like how I was rushing for chemo, and completely forgot her halloween costume? How we had to stay home and away from family on Thanksgiving because my counts were so low?" These are all the things I want to forget, nevermind tell her.

I should just give my mom the link to this blog and let her read it, but I dont write often. And again I'm not so sure I want these thoughts read by her or anyone really. Then why write? Cause if I dont I just might suffocate and choke on all the tears I hold back on the bad days.

I'm stuck at home. Have been now for a week with the exception of radiation. I call it house arrest, the doctors call it taking it easy. Scott put a no visitors rule up until this is over. By Wednesday or Thursday it should be, if I dont end up in the hospital first. Been running low grade fevers of anywhere from 99.3 to 99.8, anything over 100.4 and I have to go in. I'm terrified of going in again, I'm still bruised from the last time. Its starting to hurt now. And plus my whole body aches from not sleeping well at home, it'll be 10x worse at the hospital. I'm trying to keep a positive look on things and keep myself home, lets hope my body co-operates.

I started Radiation on Monday. I was terrified of my first visit. Now its not so bad. They turn out the lights and play music, I close my eyes and try to fall asleep. I hate running into Boston 5 days a week for just 30 minutes a day, but its a necessary evil and its only until January 5th, with some days off.

Just realized I never wrote the good news here. In October I had another MRI done in preparation of the radiation and the scan shows (and I quote) "No hemorrhage or masses noted." Meaning the chemo itself is working at killing the cancer and the tumor is now so small (or even gone comepletely) that they cant see it! I'm framing the letter and hanging it on my wall, way too exciting to leave in a dingy old binder with the rest of the cancer stuff. Too bad I still have all this chemo and radiation to finish. But they said I have a 90% chance of a cure so all that is good news!