"Its been a long road, getting from there to here. Its been a long time, but my time is finally near. I can feel a change in the wind right now, nothings in my way."
I cant believe that a year ago I had a one week old baby girl, and I was undergoing brain surgery to remove as much of a tumor as they could. Now I have a one woman destruction team and some hair on my head finally. Its been an incredible journey, one that will never be forgotten (not that we could even begin to try) and one that will never end, although it is now different.
In a year I've undergone two major surgeries and two minor surgeries. In all my life I've never had surgery and suddenly in one year I've had FOUR of them. Its insane to think of the road we all have traveled in the past year and how much we've all changed. The road less traveled and yet my HUGE family just traveled down it all together. I imagine us, a la wizard of oz style, skipping away from the Wicked Witch's castle, arm in arm, down the yellow brick road, heading back to Emerald City with the broomstick in our hands. We all found our heart, brain and courage and we are ready to head home. A beautiful, beautiful place.
One year. Amazing words. I survived the past year to make it out stronger in the end. I survived and will keep surviving. I will be strong and brave and no matter what happens I will hold my head up high, fight what needs fighting and continue to have my dignity.
"I will be here, I will be strong, I'll face my fears when the night is long, and still go on. I will be free, I will be bold, follow my faith to a higher road. I'm not there yet, but I will be."
Be well...
Friday, July 30, 2010
Its early
Its early, 530 in the morning to be exact, and why am I up do you ask? Well because Grace is upstairs in her crib crying and I cant go to her. Sharing a room is hard when your trying to break the cosleeping habit and when you let them cry it out. She's been at it off an on for 20 minutes now, but she seems to be settling down some now, but I dont know. Thinking I should at least take my shower and get ready for the day, and then return to bed like I have been doing all week. I've been getting up early to shower and then I go back to sleep for like an hour until Grace wakes up. She's been sleeping in her crib on her own for 4 nights now and she was doing so well, but last night was hard for her, and I dont know why. This is the second time she woke up and each time it has scared me out of a dead sleep. I'm so tired lately and I dont know why.
Got my port out on Monday (that could have something to do with being so tired lol). It still so sore but its getting better, can do more today than I could Monday thats for sure.
Graces birthday was a big hit. She got so much and I hardly have room for it all! But we are so thankful for everything she got. She loves everthing and cant seem to keep her hands off it all, she is having so much fun. Its amazing how much she has changed in a year, and the best part is it just keeps getting better and better. She's got the most amazing personality and she is so loving and sweet. I love watching her as she discovers all the new things she can do, even if it is just sticking her finger up her nose lol. She is very stubborn (just like me) and insists on doing everything and eating everything, nothing is sacred and you must share all with her. She is so much like me and Scott its amazing. And smart! Boy is she so smart, I can hardly believe the things she knows and can do. It hardly seems possible that a one year old can seem to know all the secrets of the universe like she does lol. She looks at you with these eyes that just look into your soul. She's just so beautiful!
Be well
Got my port out on Monday (that could have something to do with being so tired lol). It still so sore but its getting better, can do more today than I could Monday thats for sure.
Graces birthday was a big hit. She got so much and I hardly have room for it all! But we are so thankful for everything she got. She loves everthing and cant seem to keep her hands off it all, she is having so much fun. Its amazing how much she has changed in a year, and the best part is it just keeps getting better and better. She's got the most amazing personality and she is so loving and sweet. I love watching her as she discovers all the new things she can do, even if it is just sticking her finger up her nose lol. She is very stubborn (just like me) and insists on doing everything and eating everything, nothing is sacred and you must share all with her. She is so much like me and Scott its amazing. And smart! Boy is she so smart, I can hardly believe the things she knows and can do. It hardly seems possible that a one year old can seem to know all the secrets of the universe like she does lol. She looks at you with these eyes that just look into your soul. She's just so beautiful!
Be well
Friday, July 23, 2010
First Birthday
One year already. I can't believe how incredibly fast, yet slow this year was. While it was happening it seemed to drag on forever, now I only wish there was some way to pause, rewind, and do it all over again. Experience every last bit again and enjoy it ten times more. Take more photos, laugh more, love more, and learn more. Impossible I know, but I can dream.
Its been an incredible year, one full of drama, heartache and sorrow, but incredible joys. We learned just who we could count on, lean on, trust and gain support from. Who would be there for us no matter what the cards held, who would love us even more and who would disappear into the cracks. An incredible year, with incredible discoveries, about ourselves, each other, and the world. We traveled the road less traveled and came out stronger and better than before. We had some tough times, but through it all we laughed and loved, and as we watched our daughter grow into the amazing little person that she is, we were able to forget the hard times, if only for just a moment and marvel in the wonder and beauty that is the creation of life.
We had a little cake and my parents came over for a little bit to sing happy birthday and get a slice of cake. Grace happily played with her cake for a few minutes, took a few bites of it, then decided she was done and wanted out of her high chair.
She has become an amazing little person, complete with the personality of a little comedian and her love for everyone and everything is so contagious that you cant help but smile when she hugs you, or plays peekaboo with you, or even when she just hands you the little bit of paper she just ripped up. She tends to smile a lot, which is amazing and I cant help but adore her and love her more and more each day. Yes she can frustrating, and trying but she seems to know when she is working my last nerve cause she will sit there and smile at me and snuggle with me, such a perceptive little person.
She has her party tomorrow, and as exciting as it is, I'm a bit sad by the lack of response as to who is coming. The few people who said they would be here, have recently turned around and said they cant make it for one reason or another. But I decided tonight, who cares! We will party it up with whoever does show up.
Live, love, laugh.
Be well
Its been an incredible year, one full of drama, heartache and sorrow, but incredible joys. We learned just who we could count on, lean on, trust and gain support from. Who would be there for us no matter what the cards held, who would love us even more and who would disappear into the cracks. An incredible year, with incredible discoveries, about ourselves, each other, and the world. We traveled the road less traveled and came out stronger and better than before. We had some tough times, but through it all we laughed and loved, and as we watched our daughter grow into the amazing little person that she is, we were able to forget the hard times, if only for just a moment and marvel in the wonder and beauty that is the creation of life.
We had a little cake and my parents came over for a little bit to sing happy birthday and get a slice of cake. Grace happily played with her cake for a few minutes, took a few bites of it, then decided she was done and wanted out of her high chair.
She has become an amazing little person, complete with the personality of a little comedian and her love for everyone and everything is so contagious that you cant help but smile when she hugs you, or plays peekaboo with you, or even when she just hands you the little bit of paper she just ripped up. She tends to smile a lot, which is amazing and I cant help but adore her and love her more and more each day. Yes she can frustrating, and trying but she seems to know when she is working my last nerve cause she will sit there and smile at me and snuggle with me, such a perceptive little person.
She has her party tomorrow, and as exciting as it is, I'm a bit sad by the lack of response as to who is coming. The few people who said they would be here, have recently turned around and said they cant make it for one reason or another. But I decided tonight, who cares! We will party it up with whoever does show up.
Live, love, laugh.
Be well
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Wow
Well we made it through, we moved! And most of the unpacking is done, but Grace is being oh so helpful as usual. For every item I take out of the box, she puts 3 in. And if its clothes I'm putting away, she helps by taking them all out of the drawer lol. At least we laugh like crazy while doing it.
We are getting so close to Grace's 1st birthday, it just makes me want to cry. I can't believe that one year ago I was sick with toxemia and waiting for the birth of my child. Oh how it seems like a lifetime ago, and in all honesty it WAS a lifetime ago! So much has happened, so much has changed, and there is still so much to do!! I got the items for the gift bags, now just need to put them together. All thats left is shopping for the food and picking out a cake. Will get Grace a cupcake all for herself and a bigger cake for everyone else. I created a wish list tonight, or at least tried to, but there isnt much she NEEDS and she is too young to really WANT anything, so I added a few items we'd like to have for her, and people can just get what they think she might like.
Well its late and the morning comes early. Night all
Be well
We are getting so close to Grace's 1st birthday, it just makes me want to cry. I can't believe that one year ago I was sick with toxemia and waiting for the birth of my child. Oh how it seems like a lifetime ago, and in all honesty it WAS a lifetime ago! So much has happened, so much has changed, and there is still so much to do!! I got the items for the gift bags, now just need to put them together. All thats left is shopping for the food and picking out a cake. Will get Grace a cupcake all for herself and a bigger cake for everyone else. I created a wish list tonight, or at least tried to, but there isnt much she NEEDS and she is too young to really WANT anything, so I added a few items we'd like to have for her, and people can just get what they think she might like.
Well its late and the morning comes early. Night all
Be well
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Good news
So on July 1st I had my big appointment. The scans came back clear, I'm all good for another 3 months. I go back in October to be checked again, so no more worrying til then lol.
I'm trying so hard to push it all out of my mind, so hard to do when I still have short hair, and my face may always be in pain. Small price to pay for my life I suppose. A small reminder of this time in my life.
We went to my brother Johns wedding this past weekend. A beautiful day for an outdoor wedding, warm, sunny and breezy. It was a great time.
Grace is hating the humidity. She's like me, can take any heat but throw in the humidity and we became cranky people. So not easy to deal with us lol.
We are moving this upcoming weekend, and I still have so much to do! Hopefully Scott wont be working late this week and I can get stuff done at night. Thursday Ana (Scotts cousins 13yo daughter) is coming to play with Grace for a few hours so I can spend the day getting things done. Once we are all moved out of here, I can come back here and clean this place and get our deposit back. Grace is not helping in this department either lol. If I put the box out of her reach she screams, and if its in her reach she unpacks everything I put in it lol.
Be well...
I'm trying so hard to push it all out of my mind, so hard to do when I still have short hair, and my face may always be in pain. Small price to pay for my life I suppose. A small reminder of this time in my life.
We went to my brother Johns wedding this past weekend. A beautiful day for an outdoor wedding, warm, sunny and breezy. It was a great time.
Grace is hating the humidity. She's like me, can take any heat but throw in the humidity and we became cranky people. So not easy to deal with us lol.
We are moving this upcoming weekend, and I still have so much to do! Hopefully Scott wont be working late this week and I can get stuff done at night. Thursday Ana (Scotts cousins 13yo daughter) is coming to play with Grace for a few hours so I can spend the day getting things done. Once we are all moved out of here, I can come back here and clean this place and get our deposit back. Grace is not helping in this department either lol. If I put the box out of her reach she screams, and if its in her reach she unpacks everything I put in it lol.
Be well...
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