sunny days...

Its beautiful out. And I'm too weak to even go sit on the beach and enjoy it. Not that I'm supposed to be exposed to the sun like that lol. Instead I have Scott drive us to a few places and enjoy it that way. Sun on us through the moonroof and wind blowing our peach fuzz, well if it could blow around lol. Later after we eat lunch we'll take a blanket outside and play for a bit til it gets too chilly then we'll move back inside to our nice comfy bed, or if I can muster the energy finally go to payless or target and the grocery store. Time to get some summer shoes. And who knows what else I'll find. Going to buy Grace some finger foods and give those a try I think. I'm a bit nervous bout starting them too soon, but she so desperately wants to eat with us and I'm hoping some finger foods will help.

Its been a long week sine chemo ended but I get a blood transfusion on Tuesday so that will perk me up for the following week before my next round of chemo. I cant believe that chemo is almost over. I'm trying so hard to have faith that the cancer is gone and will stay gone. I will fight longer, or again if I have to but I really need the cancer to be gone from me and never return.

Be well...

All about friends...

I have this best friend, an amazing woman who I barely talk to, but have known for almost 15 years, and I know that if I need her All I have to do is call on her and she'll be there. I was there the day her son was born almost 7 years ago, and she was there the day my daughter was born. I didnt even have to ask her, she just showed up and I love her for that. Stayed with us for awhile after then quietly left.

Then there is my other friend who I've known more than 10 years but no longer feel connected to. We dont talk anymore and when we do it feels strange to me. Looking back, she was more of an aquantince I guess.

Now for the friends I met through Scott. We barely see one couple, but when we do its like no time has passed (other than the progression of our kids ages, cause I swear I'm not getting any older lol) and the other couple we see a lot of and they are as comfortable as family to us.

I just find it strange that life can be so demanding, yet you still find time to talk to friends, no matter how little you say.

For all those high school and junior high friends, I'd love to reconnect more. Don't be a stranger!

Be well....

Thank You...

The rain is back, and it sucks. The gray gloomy days need to hurry up and bring the pretty flowers so I can start to feel normal again. The endless pounding of rain on the windows is quite soothing actually but I just need a warm sunny day to install the new car seat and maybe go for a walk. I've spent the day snuggling with my baby girl and just playing with the new toys I picked up for her. I don't know what is screwing us up more, chemo or daylight savings but its wiped us both out today. Not that we've napped that much today, but we sure did sleep in!

I'm feeling beat up and tired but its all worth it. Just two more chemo treaments until I am done, then we'll have scans and be told that everything is okay and they will see me in three months.

They said that I can start trying to get pregnant again just a few months after chemo is done, but Scott and I are going to wait a bit. Maybe when Grace is three we will start trying. I can't wait to get back to feeling normal and all that jazz again. I also can't wait to see how my hair is going to grow back in lol. I think Scott and I will need some reconnecting time when chemo is over. Just the three of us, no pressures or worries and just reconnect as a family again. I don't want him to end up resenting me in the end.

I wanted to take a minute out and thank everyone who has been there for me the past few months. The outpouring of love and encouragement gave me my strength on the bad days, helped me to find peace within the storms, come to terms with the questions that will never have an answer and helped me find the way to deal with the what ifs that keep coming up. Brian and Jill, thank you so much for the car you gave us. You have no idea how much you helped us. Someday we hope to repay the favor in some way. Auntie Robin, for everything you did for us and for the way you sat and talked with me when I was first diagnosed, thank you. I only wish we could have spent more time together throughout my treatments. To those that shaved their head with me, sat with me during a treatment, or just held my hand at some point, thank you. And Gregg, my darling brother, and to my mother Janet, thank you for the encouragement and strength to keep going when all seemed lost and gone, and a big thanks for all the smiles and laughs.

No I'm not saying goodbye, i just wanted to thank some people while I had the clear thoughts and time to do it. And now that my darling dear has decided to try to crawl and get mad cause she can't I must go.

Be well...

Sad news...

My poor baby kitty (he's 6 years old, but the youngest of my 3) is really sick. We had to take him to the vet yesterday and they kept him overnight. We are hoping he can come home today. He's got a partially blocked bladder, which if it becomes fully blocked can be fatal. Its costing a small fortune to make him better, and I'm just not sure how we're going to pay this bill. I hope he'll be okay.

On a brighter note, my baby is starting to try to pull herself up. She was in her crib and pulled herself up to her knees! She's getting so strong and big! I just wish I wasnt so sick her first year of life, but it can only get better. I really wish I could just fast forward to the end of chemo at least, if not to the part where I finally feel like myself.

Had a rough night of sleep for some reason. I awoke at 430AM with every inch of me just sore. Must have slept in a funny position or something. Took me an hour and a gram of tylenol to get back to sleep. Still a bit sore this morning, but hopefully with some moving around things will loosen up and I'll feel better.

So for an update on the car situation... Our friends gave us a 1992 lincoln town car a couple months ago, so awesome of them! I really can't thank them enough for that help. The bad news is that when we took it to my brothers auto shop to get checked out and have any repairs made, he saw that the right side of the frame was completely rusted out and that with one good pothole, the transmission would just drop right out from the car. So he did a quick temporary fix to the car, so that if the frame did let out, the transmission would be held up and buy us some more time. So that night Scott came home, did our taxes and we called John up again and told him to tell him friend who had the hyundai that my mom was going to buy awhile back, to get the title cause we were going to buy it. Our tax return should cover the cost of the car and getting it on the road. So the good news is the guy has the title and now we just need to drive up there and get the paperwork so we can get the car registered and insured and then go back and get the car. I'm so excited.

I'm laying in bed, and Grace is in the crib, just waking up. She's talking to her hands. She's got just the sweetest voice ever. She's rolling all around and it will be a matter of minutes before she's sitting up, and who knows, maybe today will be the day she stands up! Girl doesnt crawl yet but I'm sure she'll walk first at this rate lol. To me, there is nothing better than sitting here listening to her talk away. Last night she had the most amazing laughing fit with me. We were just sitting on the bed, talking to each other, and I kept stealing her binky from her mouth with my mouth (by biting the plastic piece on the back) and she'd just bring her face right up to mine and steal it back with her mouth. Causing both of us to laugh a bit, but the more one of us laughed the more the other laughed, and soon we were both laughing so hard it was just funny. I do have a video of it but it was taken by me so you dont see me, or Grace for the most part but you can certainly hear us. I really do love my baby girl, more than anyone could ever know. Well I better go get her fed and get our day started, we have a lot to do today.

Be well....