Been up for an hour already and still can't sleep. Pain has been awful lately and I pray this infusion works. But then again, if it does work how long will it last? There were absolutely no guarentees that it would last even for a full day, but then again, on the opposite side, it could last a month or longer too. 

You tired of my bitching yet? Please let me know. I could shut up. Could being the key word. But I just might cause I'm getting tired of me. I do pretty good on staying silent most days about it but some days I complain. More so lately but I try not to burden others with the awful pain I'm in. 

Did I mention that apparently I'm A bitch. I asked a group of friends for an opinion on a new bow and I guess another bow maker/seller got pissed and told me to stop posting my bows. I should have been more clear in my intention on the post but i was tired. So I'll just stop posting altogether so I don't offend anyone anymore. I'll still read but I just won't post. Oh well. 

Infusion today so off to try to sleep more

Daddy sometimes I think you are a real ass. What right did you have in wondering, and being scared, that I was going to die if you couldn't even take care of yourself to stay alive for me. Not fair at all

 Riddle me this batman:

Why is that that when Scott's home my child becomes a whining clingy mess and wants to be with us ALL the time, doesn't listen and has a fresh mouth (a lot of the time), yet when it's just me and her she's ms independent, sweet and a super star listener? What's the difference here? She's with us both ALL the time so why behave for me and not for him?

By the way she's officially FOUR now!! I'm so excited. 

I've decided I don't want another kid. Life is getting so easy now and I just don't want to throw a baby into the mix so no more for us. 

Having trouble sleeping. Up all hours still. Lidocaine infusion next week and I'm practically counting down the minutes. I really hope this works

Doing family pictures today, so of course Grace gets a cold. It's just my luck. Kinda like no one wants to buy my bows. Still gotta try the farmers market and our website (that is being built) but I figured my friends would all buy at least one from me to give me a bit of a start, but I guess not. Oh well, that's that folks. It just makes me a little discouraged. 

I didn't take my meds for 2 nights. Spent two days feeling like my body was vibrating. Like legit vibrating. Took meds last night, Slept ok, No vibrating so far today. Wonder which med gives me the detox feeling? 

Set up a play date for Grace with most of the girls from her class. I'm actually looking forward to it. 

Still have sooooooooo much to do for Graces party. I gotta still buy some decorating stuff, clean, get all her stuff upstairs. I'm waiting on some stuff I ordered still. I'm cutting it super close this year. Shame on me. 

I bought her a dress that turned out to be too big! So my mom bought her a new dress and it's perfect. 

I've been making bows every night for awhile now. At first it was just for Grace. Now I gotta start selling them for a couple reasons. 1. my child does not need a new bow for everyday of the rest of her life lol, and 2. I gotta start funding my addiction lol. I'm having a blast making them. 

And that's just a few. Not even close to what I've got 

I hate my meds. They make me too sleepy. I don't want to take them anymore. Besides they don't seem to help really. Who cares anyway?

Up in the early hours again. This time I got to listen to Grace cough for awhile. The doctor took her off the inhaler for a week to see if she needs it still. I'm thinking yes. She's coughing at night again. 

In retreading my blog I notice I question my ability to be a good mother, does everyone question themselves?