Oh wow...

Its amazing the connections we make with people in our lives. 

I was looking over old posts on facebook and stumbled across this one "My stomach is in knots and I've got a feeling of dread. Hoping its nothing but preparing myself mentally for the worst. Why can't life be simple???" on November 13, 2010, only to learn that my friend Maggie passed away November 16.  I walked around with my stomach in knots for weeks because Maggie wasn't answering my texts, or calls.  I feared the worst, but yet when I learned the truth, I was devastated.  To loose 2 precious people in just a few short weeks... I'm still trying to figure out how I ever managed to get up off my mothers couch and stop crying. 

I had the extreme honor and pleasure of attending the Saugus Firefighters Memorial on June 12, and I must say, I know my heart has healed a bit.  To see a town honor so many brave men and women, including my amazing Grandpa and not break down until I was in the car (and yes, set my GPS to take my past my Grandpa's old house - not that it even looks the same, unless you look at the garage lol).  But it wasn't a terribly big cry, it was a few tears and not out of sadness, but one of knowing that my daughter will always be told the stories of her Bampa and will remember him.  To this day she still recognizes him in pictures, pretty amazing for a 2 year old to do, considering he died when she was just 15 months old.  And no, we dont encourage her, she just knows.  Pretty amazing memory :-)

I also know that my heart is healing because on August 10 Maggie would have been 24, and I didn't cry.  Much... Okay just a few tears, but I wasn't sad, I was happy because I got to know Maggie, someone who I never would have known if our lives didn't cross in such a bizarre way! But because we were "rare" our doctor sought to have us meet! So yea, while my time with her was brief, and abruptly ended, it was definitely bitter sweet.

On a medical update, I've been put on a different med for pain, and my goodness, does this one work! My head hasn't felt this good in so long! I actually had the radio blasting while I was in the car alone this past week! I also had my 15 month scans and everything came back clean! So now I'm at 16 months and waiting for my next set of scans, but I can honestly say that I'm not worried anymore.  I know I'm strong and can handle anything, but more than that, I know I'm going to be just fine. Will I freak out closer to my next set of scans? Oh yeah! Without a doubt, but I have faith.  I also learned some semi-good news from my oncologist. They started a fertility workup and have informed me that I'm NOT in menopause! YAY! So now its off to my OB to learn just WHAT is happening with my body, at least I see him soon.

And I leave this little poem for you all as a reminder, one that I needed recently:

As children bring their broken toys with tears for us to mend.
I brought my broken dreams to God because he was my friend.
But then instead of leaving him in peace to work alone
I hung around and tried to help with ways that were my own.
At last I snatched them back and cried "How could you be so slow"
"My child", He said, "What could I do? You never did let go.

Be well...