Healing

Why cant I seem to get my heart to heal? I still miss Maggie and my grandfather so much! I almost cried while cutting corn off the cob (something my grandfather always had to do cause of his false teeth, and tonight I learned I need to do it too cause it hurts my teeth to eat it that way.)  Why wont my heart heal already?

Have I mentioned that I love watching my little one sleep? She seems to peaceful, and everything is just perfect in the world while I listen to her even breathing in and out.

See? Peaceful.  I love this... She makes me feel right, and whole again.  When I'm with her, its almost like there is no great big hole in my heart that aches for two very wonderful people.

On June 12, Gregg and I will be attending the Saugus Firefighters Relief Association and watch the beautiful ceremony.  This year there is a new name, one that has meaning to my family. My dear grandfather will be on there.  My mother wants to be there in the worst way, but she will be on a cruise, so I'll tape it for her.  I know its not the same, but I hope it gives her some peace. Hopefully it helps my heart heal a little

Hey and while I'm thinking about it, I'm doing the Relay for Life this June, so if you could, donate? That would be fantastic.  http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/RelayForLife/RFLFY11NE?px=12870092&pg=personal&fr_id=31218

And while I'm thinking about it, I mentioned my friend Lyuba in my last post, and her awesome blog (I hope you checked it out, because I LOVE it!) but I thought I'd mention my friend Crystal who has an amazing blog about crafting apumpkinandaprincess.blogspot.com She's amazingly talented! So show her some love

Be well....

Decisions, tears and determination

My day started much later than usual, thanks to my awesome husband Scott and getting up with Grace. I was able to sleep in until almost 11 and it helped start my day off with a little less pain than usual, but by the end of the day it's back in full swing agonizing pain. I have to call the headache specialist on Monday and find out when they are scheduling my procedure for. They are going to inject anesthetic or something similar right into my head to stop the pain temporarily. I'll take ANY help at this point, this has been going on for months now!

My day also started with a brief stab of pain and some crying. I started up pandora to listen to while I took a shower and got ready for the day and the first song to play was "Grandpa, tell me about the good old days" and I started missing my grandpa so much that it really caught me by surprise and took my breath away for a bit. I still choke up whenever Grace sees his picture and recognizes him and says "Bampa". I really thought she would have forgotten him by now, but she seems to have her daddy's memory, thankfully.

Tonight I started missing Maggie. I find myself still talking to her occasionally and I always wonder if she'd be disappointed in me for not celebration my one year cancer free date like she and I had talked about. Instead I let it go by with barely a mention. But that's okay, I'll make the 5 year "cured" mark a huge bash, something people will talk about for a long time.

I recently decided to actively prevent pregnancy. One of the recen episodes of Private Practice had a woman who have 20-some odd weeks along and recently diagnosed with cancer. She had to either have the baby early and face all the complications with that, or die. I cried, I just could never ever do that. I never want to have to decide something like that. So no baby for us until I'm "cured". What's 4 more years? It'll be easy and will go by so fast that I won't even realize it I'm sure.

I do apologize for my lack of posts lately but I'm a boring stay at home mom. The only excitement in my life is Grace starting to potty train lol.

Oh and if I may give a great big shout out to my friend Lyuba who posted a tribute blog for me. Check out her blog at www.willcookforsmiles.blogspot.com. She has some amazing recipes, so it's definitely worth a look and someone to follow.

Be well