Tuesday, August 14, 2018

I'm sad today. I don't think it's a full depression but I'm definitely down in the dumps, wanna cry sad. And to top it off, I'm losing my faith. I keep praying for a change in my life, everytime Scott interviews for a new job to improve our situation I pray that good things will come. This latest rejection has left me feeling empty and alone. I feel like I'm praying to no one because my situation is so horrible. If God truly loves his children wouldn't he want better? There must be no God. To let anyone with faith as strong as mine has been to continue to pray for help and to send none? I've been through so much and suffered through so much, I never blamed God, I never asked for a miracle, I got my miracle, and I'm grateful but I'm so over this suffering thing and I just don't think I can do it anymore of it. It's just not fair.  I feel forgotten and neglected, like a grape left on the vine too long. I feel battered and bruised, as if I'm a punching bag.

I just can't anymore, I give up.... I quit...