The after effects from the greatest battle of my life seem to be never ending. I lost another piece of a tooth yesterday, and with that marked the last molar on my lower right side. I admit defeat, I'm in search of a good dentist now, one who will work with me, cause I don't have thousands to throw at extractions and plates, and that's my only option to stop all this. I'm actually starting to feel like the after effects are never ending. Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning, and quite frankly I'm ready to give up the struggle to have just a semblance of my normal life back.

So pray for me people. Pray that I'll find a dentist, and he'll do payment plans or something, because I've officially list my smile....

As I scroll through posts, and pictures on Facebook, I see pictures from people who I thought were my friends in high school, who I had so much fun with, and they are still hanging out together, visiting each other and talking. So that leaves me with the question:

Am I really that forgettable? Was I so bad at being a friend that no one wants to know me now? I know I only did high school for a couple years, and that I had a shit-ton of problems, but these were people I ate lunch with, laughed with and thought were my friends. Looking back though, I was never invited anywhere after school, and seldom included on things, but I did attend a few dances with them. I know I was crazy, and I did work part time after school, but should I be punished for that?

Sometimes I wish I had done things differently as a teenager... I wish I had stayed in school, and tried, I wish I listened to my mother more. Maybe, I wouldn't be so friendless as an adult. But then, I never would have met Scott, fell in love, and had my beautiful Grace. Life would have been so different for me.


I just wish I had those lifelong friendships that the kids I knew in high school seem to have.