The rain is back, and it sucks. The gray gloomy days need to hurry up and bring the pretty flowers so I can start to feel normal again. The endless pounding of rain on the windows is quite soothing actually but I just need a warm sunny day to install the new car seat and maybe go for a walk. I've spent the day snuggling with my baby girl and just playing with the new toys I picked up for her. I don't know what is screwing us up more, chemo or daylight savings but its wiped us both out today. Not that we've napped that much today, but we sure did sleep in!
I'm feeling beat up and tired but its all worth it. Just two more chemo treaments until I am done, then we'll have scans and be told that everything is okay and they will see me in three months.
They said that I can start trying to get pregnant again just a few months after chemo is done, but Scott and I are going to wait a bit. Maybe when Grace is three we will start trying. I can't wait to get back to feeling normal and all that jazz again. I also can't wait to see how my hair is going to grow back in lol. I think Scott and I will need some reconnecting time when chemo is over. Just the three of us, no pressures or worries and just reconnect as a family again. I don't want him to end up resenting me in the end.
I wanted to take a minute out and thank everyone who has been there for me the past few months. The outpouring of love and encouragement gave me my strength on the bad days, helped me to find peace within the storms, come to terms with the questions that will never have an answer and helped me find the way to deal with the what ifs that keep coming up. Brian and Jill, thank you so much for the car you gave us. You have no idea how much you helped us. Someday we hope to repay the favor in some way. Auntie Robin, for everything you did for us and for the way you sat and talked with me when I was first diagnosed, thank you. I only wish we could have spent more time together throughout my treatments. To those that shaved their head with me, sat with me during a treatment, or just held my hand at some point, thank you. And Gregg, my darling brother, and to my mother Janet, thank you for the encouragement and strength to keep going when all seemed lost and gone, and a big thanks for all the smiles and laughs.
No I'm not saying goodbye, i just wanted to thank some people while I had the clear thoughts and time to do it. And now that my darling dear has decided to try to crawl and get mad cause she can't I must go.
Be well...
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