How did we get here?

I sit here and wonder, how did we get here? How ever did we make it through the past year and make it here? How did we survive all the heartache, pain and sorrow and make it to where it all seems a distant memory… 15 months ago I was sick, and while nervous about the upcoming birth of my baby I was beyond excited. Only to have my world turned upside down by the time she was 3 weeks old.  But truth be told, I don’t think I’d change a thing. Why? Cause if I did, it means we wouldn’t be who we are today, that we’d be different people.  If Scott hadn’t lost his job before she was born, he wouldn’t have the amazing job he has now where he gets to work from home, Grace wouldn’t have gotten to spend as much time with her daddy, and I would have been alone most days at chemo.  We wouldn’t have bonded as a family like we did, wouldn’t have gotten to snuggle Grace and love on her as much as we did and we wouldn’t have learned to lean on each other for support like we did.  So yes, dear friends, I wouldn’t have changed a thing about the past 15 months.

I find myself laying in bed most mornings enjoying the quiet breathing sounds of the two people I love most in this world, and waiting for the first smile of the morning.  And when she looks at me, smiles and says “Hi Mama” its the best thing in the world.  Like my heart might just melt and pour right out of my chest and all over the place.  Grace has a huge vocabulary now, and she repeats more and more.  She says cup, up, puppy, nana, grandpa, mama, dada, please, help, cat, woof, hi, bye, night night, what’s that, light, pee, poop and so much more that I can’t even think about now.  She is also mastering sign language pretty quickly these days, meaning I have to learn more and more and teach her.  She’s so proud of herself when she can make it known what she wants, like milk or her cup or a fresh diaper. 

We went pumpkin picking over the weekend and she went through the corn maze.  Insisted on walking it, and following after Brian, Jill, Liam and Nicholas.  She was so cute and I’m so proud of how well she did.  After, she ran around and tried to pick up every pumpkin in the patch, and would call out “help” when she couldn’t get it, so I finally grabbed a small one out of the buckets of small ones for her to carry while I picked out my big one to carve.  Its not too big, I didn’t want to tire myself out too much this year, like I did last year.  Last year I could barely even clean out the pumpkin before I lost it, this I hope to carve the whole thing myself.

We ordered our costumes! Grace will be a bat, and Scott and I will be vampires!  Grace’s costume should arrive today, at least that’s what the UPS tracking number says.  I keep obsessively watching the door, hoping and willing him to show up as I’m dying to put it on her and see how it fits and how cute it is.  I can’t wait! Can’t wait for ours to get here so we can try them on as well.  I can’t wait for trick or treat this year.

We hung out with Melissa yesterday and went shopping.  I bought something like 3 or 4 Christmas/Winter scented votives, and 2 or 3 Fall scented ones.  I love this time of year.  The smells and family gatherings, the leaves changing color and falling off the trees. Then comes the first snowfall, and the crunching of snow beneath our boots.  And this year not only will I have enough energy to play in the snow, but Grace will be old enough to play in it as well! This year it won’t take all my energy to just get ready to leave the house and I’ll actually be able to run around and ENJOY it.  I can’t wait to buy snow pants, and jackets and gloves and hats for us. 

Grace painted her munchkin pumpkin today, it was so cute, even if she tried to eat it as well, the paint too! But it was the perfect activity for a rainy morning.  Tomorrow I think we will paint her larger one that she picked out.  But we will see how she is feeling. 

My poor girl has a bit of a cold, and she seems to have handed it off to her daddy as well.  I hope my immune system is still as strong as ever and holds up against it.  Lets hope chemo left SOMETHING behind in its wake. 

I have to drag my butt into the basement and find Grace’s 18 month clothes, my girl is so tall that her pants and pajamas don’t fit anymore and I’ve got to find the box of shoes that I have so I can get out more shoes that fit her. 

We got her costume in today! And she looks so darn cute in it! And our costumes were shipped today so we should have those in no time.  I can’t wait to see them! I hope they fit lol.  All I need for Grace’s costume is a black long sleeved onesie, black tights and black dress shoes.  Scott needs black dress pants, and I have no idea what I need for mine lol.

And readers, on another note, my friend Maggie needs more prayers, she had another tumor show up. 

Be well all, and hug your children tight.