At 18 I met Scott at bickfords. At the time it was open 24hours and my girlfriend and I used to go there every night after work, or just about every night. And one night Scott walks in with a friend and was seated at a table near us. I vowed to have his number before we left. It was a night of smiles, flirting and laughter. And my girlfriend kept me true to my word, sort of. By 1am she was ready to go home but I wasn't ready to call it a night. I had jokingly written my number on a sugar packet earlier in the evening, and kept saying I was just going to leave it on the table and see who called, she decided to throw it at him. We were still there at 2am, talking in the parking lot.I just didn't want the night to end. I had never felt like this before and it was amazing. I just couldn't get enough of him, and wanted to keep him there in case I never heard from him again. But I did get his number, and because I was so excited, I called him that night. We made plans to go out in a few nights.
Well I couldn't wait, so the following night when I was headed into Bickfords again, I called him to see if he wanted to meet me there. And he did. I once again spent the evening chatting with him, but I had to be more considerate of the friend I was with this night, because she was pregnant. So at a decent hour, after eating our meals and paying the check, we said goodbye and went on our seperate ways. You think at that point I would have waited for the next night when I would see him for our date, but I didn't. I called him again and meet him at Bickfords once again.
The following night we had our "first" date, even though we'd already been out twice by now. We saw The Santa Claus 2 and went to dinner. He took me into Boston to go to a place at the top of the Pru, but they had just closed for the evening. So guess where we ended up? Bickfords! I chose to end the evening there, in fact I had chosen everything that night. And I seriously don't know why I thought going to a movie was a good idea for a first date, so I was glad that we had had dinner for the past 3 nights. I really got to know him in those first few days.
Still, I figured Scott would be like every other guy, couple of dates and I'd be bored. But it was shocking to me when I didn't call it quits by the 3rd date. Imagine my surprise to realize I'd fallen in love! We spent almost every night together, whether sitting at Bickfords, going to movies or just hanging out at his house. I was happy just to be with him.
The spring after I met Scott I was restless. I wanted to get a different/better job, so I started interviewing for a nanny job. I was orginally looking for something local, nearby. But I saw a live in ad in New Canaan, CT and decided I'd apply. So I sent my resume in, had a phone interview and then drove down to meet this family and see the house. I was in shock and awe about what a gorgeous house it was, and I was in love with the idea of having "my own place" that I readily accepted the job and packed up to go.
I stayed all of 2 months. The family was nice enough, my living space was generous enough, but I was lonely. I missed my family, my friends and most of all I missed Scott. So I gave my notice. And started packing up my stuff to go back home. I felt so down, like a total failure because I couldn't handle being away from everyone. Looking back I realize what an amazing experience that could have been for me if I stayed. But it was still eye opening for me.
I won't say my relationship with Scott has been easy. I've made quite a lot of mistakes and I truly wish I could take them all back. I love Scott with all my heart, but that moody, sullen, need to be wanted girl inside me needed to get out, she needed validation. I will also tell you I was unmedicated at the time, but honestly thats no excuse. I loved feeling wanted and desired. I loved having men flirt with me, hell having anyone flirt with me. But I've loved Scott all along and I truly regret everything I did to hurt him.
Scott really has made a lot of difference in my life. While we were living in Florida he told me if I kept cutting he'd leave me. The idea of loosing him scared the hell out of me. So I made the choice to grow up. So then why did I risk everything and cheat on him later? I have no idea. I was out of control, stupid and unmedicated. Thankfully, and obviously, Scott stayed with me through it all.
I've left out a lot of details about my shady past, and it's because I'm not quite ready to share them. I'm not proud of what I did. I'm actually rather ashamed of what I've done and how many people I've hurt along the way.
No comments:
Post a Comment