I can't seem to shake this down mood I'm in. It's like a heavy coat that I can't take off. The zipper is stuck or something, and the more I struggle the more oppressive it feels. I'm not sure what to do. I don't have an appointment with my psychiatrist til June 11, and right now that seems so far away. I can't help but think back to around the holidays when I sunk and couldn't get back up. I want to climb out, I just can't seem to find a hold to help hoist me out…

I find myself comparing myself to others. How I look, act and parent. I'm feeling so low about things that I just don't know what to do anymore. This is usually where I'd go buy myself some new clothes to make myself feel better, especially since my big, baggy, summer clothes make me feel absolutely huge right now. But I'm trying to save money and refrain from shopping. I keep thinking that if I loose the extra weight I'll feel better, so you'd think I'd be trying super hard to loose the weight, but like everything else in my life I suck at dieting and exercising. I don't know why, cause when I was working out and loosing the weight I, at least, was proud of myself. Now I'm back to being a big blob. I keep telling myself that tonight's the night! I'll get back into working out and I'll stick with it! Then after Grace is asleep I just sit on the couch and watch tv again. I don't want to be a big fat blob forever…

We started potty training Grace today, we've had to change her 5 times, but she's gone more often then not. She played Lego Harry Potter tonight and it was so cute watching her play and hearing her giggles. She's getting so good at playing the game! She really does well and is even starting to understand how to "cast spells" and collect the money in the game. I can't believe she's going to be 3 soon.

So I started the day feeling so low and just wanting to cry, and ended it with a giggle while my girl and I talked like bugs bunny.

Sweet dreams and be well…