Fuck You Cancer

So last night Grace had trouble sleeping, so we brought her into bed with us, and we were playing classical lullabies to help all of us fall back to sleep. Then came on the song I walked down the aisle to. It got me thinking. Scott and I have been together 11 years now, in those 11 years we have dealt with unemployment 4 times (now 5) and it was always me saying "things will be okay, everything will turn out all right" and so on. I really hate that cancer turned me into this awful depressed person yesterday over it. But I kept seeing me on the couch crying in pain cause my head hurt so bad and then throwing up across my living room like I did 3 years ago. I became so frightened by that, that I just felt like it was starting all over again and that the world was going to start shitting on me all over again. I started to feel like my world was going to turn upside down and spin completely out of control again. That there just might be a chance that I could loose everything I've ever wanted in life. Cancer has really fucked me up and I'm really missing the strong woman I once was. I really wanted to start screaming last night when I realized what I'd become and I just wanted to scream "FUCK YOU CANCER!!"
But really today, in the light of a new day, I know everything is going to be okay, it always is. I do have my faith in God that He knows what's best for my family. We've already started making our plans for what we will need to do to survive while he is unemployed, but he has a really good lead into another job right now, and it's with a company and people he's worked with before. So here's hoping unemployment won't be long, or at all. But I'm not going to put all our eggs in one basket, and I'm not going to hope for a lot all at once. It is what it is and we will be okay.
But seriously fuck you cancer, you fucked up my body but I won't let you ruin my soul or my faith. I won the fight for my life and I will win the fight for my soul and faith, simply by saying Fuck you cancer, you can't win! 😝