She was telling me that she just couldn't fight anymore, but I didn't want to listen. I kept telling her she had to fight, cause she had to get better. I was only thinking of myself at the time, I wasn't thinking of her feelings and I am truly sorry. It is for that reason, I think, that she chose not to tell me she was dying, although in my heart I knew it when she told me more tumors had grown. I knew she was going to die, but I didn't want to give up hope, because if I stopped hoping for her, would I stop hoping for me too? Would I lose hope that I'd stay cancer free? Would I spiral into a depression and just give up my fight?
I'm truly trying to not break down and cry everytime I see her name in my phone book, but I just can't delete her yet, cause then I know its really true, and I'm not sure I can do that. Besides, everytime I see her name, a small smile springs to my face when I think about how awesome she was. And she was awesome, and amazing, and fantasticly great. She was so young and she definitely didn't deserve this. No mother should have to bury her child, especially her only child.
I used to write poems all the time, and I've had the starts of one playing around in my head, but everytime I try to write it down, it just doesn't seem right. Guess I have to work on it for awhile.
My heart is truly broken right now, and I can't seem to find all the pieces to even try to glue it all back together again.
So with that I will say, parents, hug your children a little tighter tonight when you put them to bed, put aside the housework to play for while, and if she taught me nothing else, at least Maggie taught me this, laugh often.
Be well all.
1 comment:
I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better but I don't. As I read this I cried and fee for you and her family. I would love to be able to give you a hug, but here's a cyber hug. Be well my friend and I hope your heart heals quickly.
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