Last night I was laying on the couch and for a moment I started to panic. I was certain I couldnt hear out of my right ear again. But I calmed myself down and did the whole routine and I could hear just fine. I dont know why I tought I couldnt hear, it was so strange.

I'm trying so hard to just live life and enjoy every moment, but I am so scared. I have dreams that the cancer has come back. I dream of the chemo rooms and the familiar faces of the nurses, when does that all stop? I feel like I"m going crazy with worry.

I wish someone had told me how hard it would be once chemo ended. I mean one day I have all these people caring about me, worrying about me and I'm surrounded by doctors and nurses, then the next its all gone. I spent so much time running into the city that I dont know what to do with my free time anymore. I should be packing or cleaning but instead I find myself getting Grace and I showered and dressed and we go out and walk the malls. Shopping. I dont buy much, I put all kinds of clothes and accessories in the cart, but then put it all back. I cant seem to splurge like I used to. Instead, I head on over to the grocery store after and buy that days groceries (never more than 2 days at a time) and head on home. I use the grocery store as my way out of the house all the time. I tell myself I cant buy more than a day or two of groceries cause I cant get them in the house.

Grace and I have been camping out in the living room with the AC and shes asleep oin the couch behind me. Correction, she is awake now and beside me pushing buttons lol. We are off to eat, then I am dropping her off with her Aunt for a bit so I can go gather more boxes for our big move!

be well