OK so a week ago Scott, Grace and I pack up and head off in the car for Boston. Meet my mom along the way so she can watch Grace for me during chemo and radiation. We continue on to Boston. We're running late so Scott drops me off at the door and says he'll go park the car and meet me. I go flying into the building, go down to radiation and then get a phone call... the car stalled out on the ramp in the parking garage and it won't restart. *sigh* So I call on one of my wonderful brothers, who also happens to be a mechanic, and ask him to please take his day off and come into Boston to fix my car. He and my mom come down in two seperate cars (in case ours can't be fixed they can leave one with us) and he looks at it. Can't be fixed there, need to have it towed home. So my mom leaves us with her van, and goes home in my brothers car with him and the baby. They have the car towed home...60$. Did I mention we're broke? unemployed? and now carless...great!
So I take a breath, and I tell myself its okay. God will take care of us. There is a plan for everything.
My brother John checks out the car at home, its gone. Forget it its junk. Great. So now I'm getting rides from everyone. Saturday my mom took me to chemo, Sunday it was my brother Gregg and Monday I kind of guilted my best friend into taking me. I still feel awful about that. Tuesday was back to my mom. Tuesday my mom gets a car from John's girlfriend that she's selling and my mom might want to buy. Great, that gives us a car for the week while my mom tries this out and we use the van. Now in the background of all this there was a little white car that came into my brothers shop for sale that my mom was going to buy for us. Turns out the white car is an abandoned car and it will take 6 months for the title to come in, so that scrapped that idea.
So Wednesday comes and Scott, Grace and I once again load up into the car (my mom's van this time) and head off for Boston. On radiation days Grace just comes with us and hangs out while I have my short treatment. Well we're running late again (as usual lol) and Scott drops me off at the door and says he'll go park the car. So I go off to treatment and come out and call Scott to tell him I'm done and he can come back and pick me up now. Two minutes later he calls back. The car broke down! The tire wont turn...great! So now I'm in a hospital and ready to sit down and cry but I know I can't. So I go and call my mom and tell her, she calls John. Its got to be towed
So while we're sitting in the garage and waiting for my mom to arrive to come get us again, I start crying. It just felt like this black hole had swallowed me up last night and I still can't get out of it. I'm so exhausted from all this running around, and so tired of treatments and not feeling well that I was just so ready to give up on everything last night. I really just wanted to sit on my couch and have it swallow me hole. I sat there and cried and cried about how I just can't do it anymore, and how it's so unfair that ALL this bad stuff is raining down on my family. One line from a Creed song kept going through my head "Hey God I know I'm just a dot in this world, but have you forgot about me?" Just feels like so much bad is happening and I'm going to suffocate underneath it all. The cancer, the treatments, the unemployment, the car trouble...money has now run out for the most part and I'm so scared I don't know what to do anymore, but we'll figure it out, like we always do.
So today I've stopped the pity party and am trying to come up with a plan. Who knows what tomorrow brings, but I know this morning brings my younger sister with a car (that hopefully won't break down cause if that happens I'm jumping ship lol) and more radiation. If I'm lucky I'll even finally get to the post office and the grocery store. And maybe finally get a trip to dunkin donuts for a nice hot chocolate (gotta love gift cards lol). I figure if I can just ride this storm out I can take on anything...
Be well all.
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