I love watching the numbers on the scale drop. I honestly am so mad at myself for allowing myself to gain so much weight after chemo ended. Had I of just started walking back then I could probably be at my target weight by now and quite happy and healthy. But nope not me. After 8 months of not being able to eat I went on a binge and ate everything in sight, for 2 years. So now I've blown up to larger than my pre-pregnancy weight and quite honestly was heading towards being my fathers weight at his largest. Had I not of been so mortified to see those numbers on the scale I probably would have eaten myself to a very young death. I would have let food do to me what I fought so hard against with the cancer. So I dropped 20 pounds and then stopped. As long as the numbers on the scale stayed below a certain number I was fine. But you know what, I wasn't fine. I was miserable. I didn't have energy to play with my kid, I ate junk all the time (and sometimes even secretly binged!) and I hated myself. Now I see the numbers dropping and I'm so happy! I'm almost back to my pre-pregnancy weight (my first mini goal hehe) and I've got more energy. It's improving my time with Grace and my ability to do more things. While I still hate my body and will continue to work on improving it, I'm hoping to improve a lot more of my relationships and fix things that are broken. I jumped the other day, literally and seriously jumped, off the ground, outside! We were going to buy Grace snow boats before the blizzard hit and she was holding my hand and Scott's hand in the parking lot and using them to jump off the ground. Scott told her to stop and I looked at her, smiled and jumped off the ground, twice! I haven't jumped in forever cause I wasn't sure I could! To do that was awesome. I'm totally buying a jump rope this spring hehe. My brother in law gave (gifted?) me his exercise bike and I can't wait to find a spot for it and to start using that. I haven't been on a real bike since I was a kid cause I've always been afraid I was too fat for them, now I'm going to loose all this weight and buy one as my present for hitting my big last goal weight (will give me time to save up for it too lol). So I'm loving me and improving me for the first time in years, and this time I mean business! I can't be fat and useless anymore. I don't want to die before I've lived so it's time to start living and to do that I need to fix me! I want to go to a theme park without fear of being too big for the rides (happened to my dad once at a roller coaster and I had to ride with strangers). But watch out world! Here I come and I plan on making it a better me that's coming!!

All total I've lost 31 pounds. Since my dad died its been 11 pounds. Wish me luck world cause I've got a lot more to go!

I was able to expand my wardrobe this morning just by pulling out and trying on some of my slightly smaller clothes, and surprise! They fit! Well not all of them but most! I was soooo proud I was bursting with excitement to tell anyone nearby, hehe!

Be well all

I miss you Daddy