Have any of you seen repo men, the rock opera? There's a song at the end and a part of it makes me a bit sad. Its a daughter and father singing to each other as the father is dying. It says:

Sometimes I wanted to cry
when the people on TV were not quite the way we were
somehow I guess I just knew.
But I didn't know I'd love you so much
I didn't know I'd love you so much
I didn't know I'd love you so much
but I do.


And really it hits a spot with me. I used to wish that I had a "tv" family, that my dad was normal and loving. I used to say (as a teenager) that I hated him, and my mom used to tell me I'd be the one who was the saddest and regret the most. I always told her no I'd be glad he was gone.

It took my dad dying for me to realize how much I loved him. And out of all my siblings, I really think that maybe, just maybe I do regret the most.

But you know what I've learned as I've gotten older? All my misery wasn't from him. Yeah, he could be an ass, but I could be an even bigger ass the other times. Sometimes I think that if maybe I had worked on taking my meds and getting myself stabilized that maybe we could of had some nice times together.

Be well